Dealing With Anger ~ An Islamic Perspective (part 6)
?｢どｨｬｶ(Those who put their trust in Allah) are they who avoid major
sin and impropriety; and even when they have cause to be angry, they forgive.
[Qur'an 42:37]
Self-Control is as Essential as Anger is Inevitable
Letting go of Past Anger
Part of the challenge of anger is to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose in
the right manner [Aristotle]. Remember?｢どｨｬｶ
- When anger is fuelled by unresolved past hurt or pain, we tend to cling to old resentments.
- This historical component blocks our path and prevents us from traversing beyond the past.
- Holding on to our anger holds us back. [Recall story of the monkey being unable to retrieve the banana from the container; its fist being stuck due its refusal to let go of the banana in its hand]
Past anger often gets stuck in our minds due to vengeful thinking, and thinking in a particular pattern creates a mental path, which directly affects our attitude and our behavior. In harboring past anger, there appears to be an attempt to 'control' negative attitudes by retaining the angry feelings. This may create a pseudo self-esteem of feeling good about relishing ideas of harming / hating others. This inevitably fans the flames of anger in a person without actually dealing with the reality of the issue. Note that ?｢どｨｬｶ
- such anger remains unresolved
- harms the holder of such anger as long as the anger is retained
- harms the holder of such anger more than the one against whom it is held.
Remember the warnings ?｢どｨｬｶ
- "For every minute of anger, you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind." [Poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson]
- "Consider how much more you suffer from your anger than from those very things for which you are angry." [Roman orator, Marcus Antonius].
Past Anger - an unnecessary burden
Be cognizant of the fact that ?｢どｨｬｶ
- "If you do not wish to be prone to anger then do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may cause it increase." [Epictetus, the brilliant Roman slave-philosopher who lived around the time of Prophet 'Isa /Jesus (pbuh)]
- holding on to past anger feeds and increases an unnecessary habit
- every attitude and habit; whether good or bad, is acquired and therefore can be adjusted or disowned.
If you ignore, overlook and forgive, then behold,
Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.
[Qur'an 64.14]
Allah describes the pious and the doers of good as those who overcome their anger and forgive people [Q 3:134]. Learning to apply the positive social skills of compassion, forgiveness, humor and tolerance will empower us to deal with past anger in the most effective way. Remember that past anger hurts and is detrimental. Whosoever bears a grudge and vengeance acts like one, who having cut one hand while handling a knife, avenges himself by stabbing the other hand. [Talmud, Nedarim 9.4]
To free ourselves from the burden of anger that we carry and rid ourselves of the debilitating grudge we hold, forgiveness is absolutely crucial. We will be more ready to forgive if we realize that?｢どｨｬｶ
- people did, do and will anger us (just as we certainly anger others)
- we too need forgiveness (just as those who deserve ours)
- resentments hurt us more than the person against whom they are held
- our faith prefers forgiveness over resentment and vengeance
Prophetic examples of Forgiveness (and of Overcoming Past Anger)
- Prophet Muhammad said that while Jesus (peace be upon them both) was being tortured by his detractors, he prayed, O Lord! Forgive my people for they know not what they do [see also Luke 23:34]
- Prophet Muhammad's message was not welcomed in Makkah, so he went to Taif to convey the message. The people drove him out of town by stoning him till blood covered his body. Pardoning his abusers in Taif he prayed that if these people do not believe, perhaps some day their children would. Instead of being resentful he prayed, "Oh, Allah! To Thee I complain of the feebleness of my strength, of my lack of resources and of my being unimportant in the eyes of people. Oh, Most Merciful of all those capable of showing mercy! Thou art the Lord of the weak, and Thou art my Lord. To whom art Thou to entrust me; to an unsympathetic folk who would resentfully frown at me, or to an alien to whom Thou hast given control over my affairs? Not in the least do I care for anything except that I may have Thy protection. I seek shelter in Thy light - the light that illuminates the Heavens and dispels all sorts of darkness, and which controls all affairs in this world and in the Hereafter. May it never be that I should incur Thy wrath, or that Thou should be displeased with me. I must remove the cause of Thy displeasure until Thou art pleased. There is no strength nor power but through Thee."
- Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was ostracized, threatened and eventually had to
flee his hometown of Makkah. His detractors persecuted him, his family
and his followers; and even when settled in Madinah, they waged wars
against him and his followers. When he returned 8 years later with an
army of 12 000 and forgave his enemies, it served as a magnanimous example
of magnificence of character, depth emotional wisdom and the pinnacle of
spiritual strength.
It was in reference to this forgiveness of past anger that a historian writes; "The day of Mohammad's greatest triumph over his enemies was also the day of his grandest victory over himself. He freely forgave the Koraysh all the years of sorrow and cruel scorn in which they had afflicted him and gave an amnesty to the whole population of Mekka ?｢どｨｬｶThe army followed his example, and entered quietly and peacefully: no house was robbed, no women insulted?｢どｨｬｶIt was thus Mohammad entered again his native city. Through all the annals of conquest there is no triumphant entry comparable to this one." [Historian Stanley Lane-Poole: The Speeches and Table-Talk of the Prophet Mohammad, 1882]
From all these examples we realize that ?｢どｨｬｶ
- by taking revenge, a person is even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior. [Philosopher, Francis Bacon]
- "Holding on to anger, resentment, and hurt, only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the light in your life." [Journalist, Joan Lunden]
- when we forgive we may not change the negativity of the past, but we certainly can affect the future in a positive way.
- Prophets responded to negatives with positives, used love and forgiveness rather than hate and anger, thus turning foe into friends.
- responding to negativity in such a positive manner is no ordinary matter.
Strength of character is required.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
[Qur'an 41:34]