87: Good Relationships (Part 3) ~ Parents
We come into the world through the agency of parents; who are our nurturers, our caretakers, our protectors and our supporters. When Allah commands us with duties, he puts a priority on parents above all social relations. We are commanded
وَاعْبُدُواْ اللّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيْئًا
وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ
"worship none but Allah, and to be good to parents, to near and dear ones, the orphans, the poor, the neighbors..." [Qur’an 4:36]
Appreciation of Parents
- The first in a series of commandments appearing in Surah al-Israa' (17), Allah has decreed
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
that you worship none but Allah and be good to parents.
It goes on to say that ...
إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا
We should respect them and take care of them in old age, not to be verbally abusive to them; but to speak kindly and gently to them [Q17:24] - We are instructed to reflect on the effort that parents exert to bring us into this world and to nurture us
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ
Allah advises you regarding good treatment of parents. Your mother bore you with pain and inconvenience and nurtured you when you were helpless for at least two years. [Qur'an 31:14] - To express our appreciation we are advised ...
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
to be kind and merciful to them and pray for Allah to have mercy on them as they had mercy upon you when you were a baby. [Qur'an 17:24] - To express our gratitude we are commanded ...
أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
be thankful to Allah and your parents. To Allah is the return. [Qur'an 46:15]
The Position of the Mother
Of all the bonds of relationships, the mother holds a unique position.
We are asked to reflect on and appreciate the selfless nature of the mother
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou may approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow to Thee in submission." [Qur'an 46:15]
- A man came to the prophet (S.A.W.) and asked, "O Messenger of Allah, which person of all the people is best entitled to kind treatment and the good companionship from me?" He answered, “Your mother.” The man asked, "And after her?" He said, "Your mother." "And then?" He said, "Your mother." "and after her?" The Prophet said, "Your father."
- A teenager came to the Prophet while Muslims were on the verge of being attacked and offered to fight and thus attain Paradise. The Prophet asked if he had a mother. He said, “yes”. The Prophet advised him, “Take care of her, for Paradise lies at her feet.”
Duty Beyond Life
- We are advised to pray for our parents even after they pass on, as this adds to their reward even after their death.
- A man entered asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Is there anything left for me to do to be kind with to parents after their death?" The prophet (S.A.W.) answered,
"Yes, by praying for them and asking for Allah’ forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises and undertakings, doing kindness to those who may be related to you through them, and respecting their friends.”
Reflect on ...
- the relationship of Prophet ‘Isa/Jesus with Maryam/Mary [Qur'an 19]
- the relationship of Prophets Ya’qub/Jacob with Yusuf/Joseph [Qur'an 12]
- the relationship of Prophets Abraham and Ishmael [Qur'an 37:100-102]
- the admonition of the Prophet Muhammad who said, “Shame on such a person” thrice. Someone asked, “On which person, O Prophet?” The Prophet replied; “That person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age and he still does not enter Paradise.”