57: Listening - Essence of the Art of Communication (Part 1)
"having the faculty of hearing, but they listen not ..."
[Qur'an 7:179]
Human beings are social by nature and interact through communication. The most common method of communication is speaking or verbal communication.
Effective Communication
Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it. In other words, talking is effective only when the speaker says what he or she really means, while listening is the ability to hear what is really being said. If talking and listening are the two primary parts of verbal communication, then listening is indeed the nobler half. "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." [Pioneer in Listening Research, Ralph Nichols]
Significance of Listening
The fact that ...
- the last revelation is referred to as al-Qur’an / the Recitation and that when the Qur’an is recited we should listen attentively [Qur'an 7:204]
- that Allah Almighty listens to the words of people [Qur'an 58:1] and we testify to that in our daily prayer when we say sami’Allahu liman hamidah
- that Believers testify to their faith by sami’na wa ata’na / "we hear and we obey" [Qur'an 2:285]
The art of listening is a skill that few have learned, but all need to master.
Hearing without Listening
We think we know how to listen, but often we're just hearing rather than listening. There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and really listening for the message. When we listen effectively we understand what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the other person’s own perspective. Our own viewpoint may be different and we may not necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand their perspective. To listen effectively, we must be actively involved in the communication process. We can neither agree nor disagree with any persons until and unless we understand his/her perspective. "A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with." [Author, Kenneth A. Wells]
If we all act and react based on our understanding, then listening is essential in obviating misunderstandings. If there occurs speaking without listening, we have hearing without understanding. The risk in this is that though there is no effective communication, chances are that there is a potential for the danger of miscommunication. "When you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it." [Contemporary Eastern Philosopher, Jiddu Krishnamurti]. So, in order to truly understand we really need to listen, and listen properly.
6 Levels of Listening
- Ignoring ~ hearing but deliberately avoiding the message being conveyed
- Pretending ~ hearing but not listening
- Selective ~ hearing only what you want to hear, indicating prejudice/bias
- Combative ~ listening impatiently with the aim of rebutting
- Passive ~ listening carefully without evaluating what is being said
- Empathic ~ listening to the words and the feeling behind the words while being cognizant of the frame of reference and the context.
Effective Listening
Listening should include all three dimensions of Effective Listening
- Listening with awareness and due attention [Qur'an 5:83]
- Listening with the intention to fully understand [Qur'an 39:18]
- Listening with the willingness to respond with the most appropriate response [Qur’an 24:51]
Two Ears, One Mouth
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was asked "which act is much loved by Allah?" There followed a prolonged silence when nobody said anything, then the Prophet responded "Control of the tongue". (The silence before the response may have been the primary part of the answer).
Some say that we have been given two ears but one mouth,
- in order that we may speak less and listen more;
- others say that we should therefore listen twice as much as we speak;
- yet others say that it is because it is half as easy to talk as it is to listen and twice as hard to listen as it is to talk.
There is an old African saying that translates:
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard:
That’s why it is an intelligent bird?
Listening is more than an integral part of daily human activity, much more than a component of human communication;
it actually reflects an attitude of the heart; that dimension of the heart which Allah [Qur’an7:179] [Qur'an 47:24]
associates with the locus of true understanding.