54: Charisma ~ The Magnetic Power of Caring Enough
[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
As you take a look at your life and your relationships, consider how you may have been affected by your ability or inability to engage or influence others in a positive manner. The quality of your success as a social being could depend more on charisma than you think.
Charisma is ...
- the exuding of attractive, positive human qualities
- the magnetic power of caring enough
- the ability to draw people to you
- the capacity to naturally fulfill the subconscious needs of others, including their need ... for approval, to feel accepted, to be appreciated, and to feel significant.
Charisma is essential for impacting the lives of people in a positive, non-invasive way and is a character trait, like other character traits, that can be developed.
The following build Charisma
- Enjoy life and love people. People enjoy the company of those who value life and who value others.
- Offer your best and bring out the best in others. Anas bin Malik was a young companion who served in the
house of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and when his parents came to take him away, he refused. He used to say that
in all my years with the Prophet, he never once belittled or insulted me.
Industrialist, Charles Schwab said; "I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." - The more you focus on making others feel good about themselves, the more affectionate they will be towards you.
- Share your self, give of your self; share your know-how, your wisdom, your resources and your love. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Whosoever gives (not only of his/her belongings, but) of himself/herself, is truly a Believer."
- Charisma is not about never-mindedness, it is always about other-mindedness; not about selfishness, but about selflessness.
Obstacles to Charisma
Arrogance & Pride ~ Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) warned that a person who has an atom's weight of pride in the heart will not enter Paradise. No one loves those who consider themselves better than others, or who consider others to be inferior. Arrogance conveys a confrontational rather than conciliatory attitude. "Five enemies of peace inhabit with us -- avarice, ambition, envy, anger, and pride; if these were to be banished, we should infallibly enjoy perpetual peace." [14th century Italian poet, humanist, Francesco Petrarch].
Wise ones have said that it is not possible to overvalue ourselves except by undervaluing others. When you undervalue
others, you can not bring out the best in them ... nor in your self.
{Recall the incident regarding the debt owed by the Prophet to the Jewish lender and how he responded to the demand
which showed his humility without humiliating the lender.}
Emotionalism & Insecurity ~ Emotionalism is the tendency to respond with undue emotion or unwarranted display of
emotion. We have to become more conscious of our emotions and why we react the way we do. Is our action / reaction due to
prejudice, hate, ignorance ...? All of these are problematic.
"The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts -- the less you know the hotter you get."
[Bertrand Russel]
By learning to identify the ‘emotional baggage’ we carry and managing our feelings and reactions, we can view life based on
current situations instead of being held captive by our past emotions.
We also have to be secure in ourselves to be able to positively affect others.
"If we do not believe in ourselves - neither in our efficacy nor in our goodness, then the universe is a frightening
place." [Nathaniel Branden]
We can’t expect to be too secure before embarking on everything either; for that would rob us of the opportunity of attempting anything.
"Security is mostly superstition ... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." [Helen Keller]
If you are too emotional, too temperamental, too excitable, then you may appear unstable and imbalanced. If people find you
illogical, irrational, not in control of your self, and not knowing what to expect from you ... then they tend to stop
expecting anything from you. If you are not stable and secure, if you are not comfortable with yourself; others may feel
very uncomfortable in your company.
Self-Righteousness & Perfectionism ~ Self-righteousness is a spiritual deficiency that leads one to regard
himself/herself more virtuous than others; bordering on an arrogance synonymous with that of Iblees who refused to
acknowledge the status of Adam (pbuh) due to his own assumed superiority by stating ana khairum minhu – "I am better than him.”
Self Righteousness is judging others by your ‘great’ standard and desiring other people to be like you because ‘that is the
way everyone is supposed to be’.
"Do not ascribe righteousness to your self, Allah alone knows best who is truly pious." [Qur'an 53:32]
We are human, and to err is human; only the Divine is perfect. "Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote
freedom to err. It passes my comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced and able, can delight in depriving
other human beings of that precious right." [Gandhi]
It is reasonable to aim for perfection so that we may always attempt to advance toward it; it would be unreasonable to
expect it from ourselves, and unfair to demand it from others. Striving for excellence is motivational; demanding perfection
is demoralizing. If we demand perfection we prevent human potential the opportunity to flourish in a realistic
environment. "A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what
he has done." [John Henry Cardinal Newman]
Pessimism & Cynicism ~ The attitude of the charismatic entails seeing the possibilities not just the problems; seeing the positive not just the negative. It is in this regard that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is reported to have cautioned, "Pessimism is part of bad character." One can choose to be either optimistic or pessimistic; negative or positive in any given situation. You can't be both negative and positive at the same time. Be positive, be optimistic. The Oxford English Dictionary describes a cynic as a person "disposed to find fault" and as one who "shows a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions, and is inclined to express this by sneers and sarcasm."
In short, the cynic is ‘a sneering fault-finder’. Fault-finders tend to be miserable themselves; and since they focus
so much on blaming others, they become resentful; and rather than cherish people, tend to develop a desire to undermine
and discredit people.
Confucius reminded us that the great person calls to attention the good points in others while the miserable person
calls to attention the defects in others. [Analects 12:16] "The cynic is one who never sees
a good quality in a person and never fails to see a bad one." [Henry Ward Beecher].
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "The worst of people are those engaged in slandering others, those who ruin relationships
between dear ones and tries to find fault with innocent people." Cynics tend not to express appreciation of the value
of others. In the words of renowned writer, Oscar Wilde, "a cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the
value of nothing."
The quality of your success as a social being could depend more on charisma than you think; so develop the magnetic
power of caring enough and reflecting that care in your daily attitude, through loving words and appropriate behavior.