53: Improving Human Relationships (Part 2)
[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
To foster and perpetuate good inter-human relationship the elements of trust, respect, caring, and love are absolutely essential.
- Trustworthiness and Truthfulness
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:
"Being truthful is obligatory, for truly truthfulness lead to righteousness"
The absolute cornerstone of any significant relationship is trust and truthfulness. Without trust, there is no safe foundation upon which to build a viable human bond. In the absence of trust, there is no safety, no guarantee, and without the necessary stability, sober-minded people are unlikely to invest in that relationship; and without such investment, there can be little real connection or meaningful intimacy.
The questions we need to pose are ...
- Is my friend/dear one being honest and truthful?
- Am I being trustworthy and reliable in my relationship?
When trust is broken, it is hard, and at times, impossible to repair. Many people find it difficult to trust and the lack of trust may have developed from past relationships where the trust had been broken, causing much hurt and pain leading to a fear that to trust again is setting oneself up to more hurt. We must be careful and realize that trust is a learned emotion and that we can also learn to mistrust, at times with (and sometimes without) justification. One should always begin with one’s self by remembering that a man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else. [Cardinal De Retz]; and that as soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. [Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]
We would all do well to heed the words of William Shakespeare; "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
- Respect
Among the primary socio-ethical responsibilities we need to manifest in our relationships are ... being respectful and being worthy of respect. Respect implies that you value and honor others, and when you value and honor others, you treat them with care and concern.
The notion of honorability and respect is integral to the Islamic way of life as is evidenced by numerous traditions of the Prophet (pbuh) who instructed people to: speak truthfully with civility, be courteous to the neighbor, honor the guest, respect elders, have compassion for the young, consideration for the under privileged, inclination to the oppressed, act with propriety, and manifest excellence in everything.
Whether it be parent, child, spouse or friend; all relationships require this element of respect. Roman orator, Cicero, said: He removes the greatest ornament of a relationship who takes away from it respect.
- Self respect is the forerunner of respect for others. There is overwhelming evidence indicating that the higher the level of self-esteem the more likely one will be to treat others with respect.
- Mutual respect is necessary for a really good relationship. Whether you respect a friend or a partner (or do not respect them) can tell you a lot about your perceptions of the other person, and your beliefs about them, you, and your relationship(s).
- People sometimes confuse fear and respect. If someone respects you, they will respect you in your presence and your absence. (If they respect you only in your presence, then they are doing so hypocritically or out of fear.)
The Questions we need to pose are ...- Do I act respectfully (verbally, emotionally and physically)toward my partner/friend/child?
- Do they act respectfully toward me?
- Do we respect each other's boundaries?
- Love
"You will not enter Paradise until you truly believe, and you do not truly believe unless you love one another." [Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
Human beings find it easier to love when there is respect, mutuality, care and trust; and some degree of love is a necessary requirement for sustaining a meaningful relationship...
We all seem to know what we want from others and from life. It is equally important for us to decide whether we care that others also have their right to what we so much want for ourselves.
"None of you can attain unto righteousness until you avail for others of that which you yourself love most." [Qur'an 3:92]
The Questions we need to pose are ...- Do my loved ones know that I love them?
- Do I realize and appreciate that others care for me?
- Do I act lovingly towards them?
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." [Author, Leo Buscaglia]
Remember, "he who plants kindness (and compassion) harvests love." [Persian poet, Sheikh Sa'di Shirazi]
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that the better neighbor is one who is the best to his neighbor, that the best of friends are those who are best to their friends, and that the best of spouses are those most respectful to their partners.