52: Improving Human Relationships (Part 1)
[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]
Human Relationship can be defined as ...
- the condition of being connected or associated with/to others by blood, marriage, affiliation, kinship, affinity or ideals
- a particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other; at times out of choice and sometimes without option.
- Be Genuine and Sincere - Don't try to relate to others by trying to impress them through acting like you think they would want you to. Be genuine from the start and each person will have a chance to see if they can be comfortable with each other's perspectives, interests and lifestyle. Professor Don Cross said, "If I truly know who I am and what I value, and stand firmly for what I believe, and have the courage to act on it, I can not help but be sincere." Sincerity simplifies one's life, improves integrity and enhances one's ability to deal effectively with others and makes it easier for others to deal with you. So; be yourself, be real; be who you are. "It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others." [Columnist, Sydney J. Harris] "Remember that often we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." [Novelist, Anais Nin]
- Be Ethical & Consistent - Ethical behavior is a matter of being consistent by extending to all persons
the same respect and consideration that we claim for ourselves. Ethics requires that there be consistency between
how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. "Everyone is obligated to act only in ways that respect the human
dignity and moral rights of all persons." [Philosopher, Immanuel Kant]
Consistency; the absence of contradictions is the hallmark of ethics. Ethics requires consistency in the sense that our moral standards, actions and values should not be contradictory. Consistency in our lives also implies an inner integrity. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: Say La-ilaaha ill-Allah and be upright (live with integrity). Integrity is about being honest, being honorable and being your self at your best. - Improve Communication - Effective communication is an essential skill in any good relationship. Be clear about what you say and do not say what is unnecessary. The art of sharing your private thoughts and feelings with people you trust needs to be moderated. Revealing too much too soon can cause you to feel overly vulnerable and the listener to feel uncomfortable and obligated to reciprocate. Share only what is necessary and only to the extent necessary. Also check your assumptions, for misunderstandings can arise from acting on what you presuppose.
- Resolve Conflicts - Resolve conflicts or misunderstandings through negotiation and understanding. Start the problem solving by listening to each other, and respecting each other's point of view. Resolving conflicts are much easier when all sides participate in the solution, instead of one side dominating the decision making process. "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion." [Motivational Speaker, Dale Carnegie]
- Reciprocate - Give equal importance to the feelings, interests, and needs of each person in the relationship. "The most hurtful of matters is that you love one who loves someone else, or that you wish well for others and they wish you harm" [Imam Idris Ash-Shaf'ie] Develop the skill of both giving and receiving emotional and moral support. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same. Be one of those that makes a difference. "Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." [Writer, Charles Dickens]
- "Accept" Others As They Are - Recognize the fact that others are others, they are not you. They are who or what they are. "Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be." [Theologian & Writer, Thomas A. Kempis]
Knowing How to Deal with People
The way we relate to people, significantly affects how we live as social beings, and greatly determines the quality of communal life we experience. The fact that Islam emphasizes mu'amalah (social relations) as an essential component of the Deen (Islamic Way of Life) clearly indicates the significance of this element of human existence. Wise ones have said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life is knowing how to get along with people.
"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men." [Scientist, Albert Einstein]
In the words of Moulana Altaf Husayn Hali ...
Essentials for Fostering Better Relationships
"Relationships -- of all kinds -- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." [Behavioral Scientist, Kaleel Jamison]