29: Controlling Anger

 

"...(Those who put their trust in Allah) are they who avoid major sin and impropriety; and even when they have cause to be angry, they forgive"
[Qur'an 42:37]

Human beings as Emotive beings

Human beings are emotive beings who experience feelings all the time. Some of these feelings are positive (love, joy) while others are negative (hatred, envy). Emotions such as fear, jealousy, despair and anger are among the most challenging, most difficult, and potentially most destructive of human experiences; yet such experiences are inescapable. Some people learn to live with them, few ignore them, many magnify them, some die for them and others kill for them.

Human beings do get Angry

It is said that to be human is to be angry some of the time. Anyone or anything can make us angry and everyone at some time does get angry. Depending on personality, temperament, and the ability to manage emotions and control reactions; the intensity of anger varies dramatically from person to person.

Forms of Anger

Anger is basically divided into ...

  1. Milder forms
    These include ...
    • annoyance (eg. when disturbed),
    • irritation (when bothered),
    • irk (when disgusted or embarrassed)
  2. Indignation
    Indignation is a combination of anger and contempt that is aroused by witnessing or experiencing injustice, wrongfulness or impropriety. This form of anger springs essentially from an innate sense of what is right, fair and just.
  3. Intense Forms
    These include ...
    • Resentment, grudge (incorporating hate)
    • fury (often expressed in ways that are wild/fierce)
    • rage (uncontrolled anger, inclining towards violence)
    • wrath (tremendous anger accompanied by desire to punish)

Since different causes require different responses, it is absolutely essential that we identify the root cause, analyze the reasoning and react with the most appropriate response. The response should never be vulgar or abusive.

"The Believer is never a provoker nor a curser, neither indecent nor abusive."
Prophet Muhammad[pbuh]

Use and Abuse of Anger

Anger is an extremely powerful emotion. If allowed to build up inside a person, it could be like pressure building up in a pot of boiling water with a lid on. "Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into power" [Swami Sivananda]. There is an ancient Indian saying that states ... hell has three gates: lust, anger and greed. Prophet Muhammad said:

"Anger can spoil faith like vinegar spoils honey."

An old African saying warns us about the fact that anger is often more damaging than the injury that caused it. What we do with our anger reveals a lot about ourselves. We could ...
  1. use it to correct a wrong
  2. use it to speak out with resolve and build self-esteem
  3. turn it inwardly and destroy ourselves
  4. abuse it to lash out at others.

Consequences of Anger

Inappropriate anger, which occurs when there is a more intense reaction than the situation merits; affects us negatively in every way ...

Conclusion

Remember, you can't eliminate anger - and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all efforts, things will happen that will cause anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change all that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you and you can control your angry responses and keep them from making you even more unhappy, more frustrated and angrier in the long run. Ensure that you control your anger and that it does not control you. Remember ...
 

Strong is not the one who wrestles another down, rather strong is the one who is able to control the self when angry.
[Prophet Muhammad pbuh]

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