107: Essential Elements for Lasting Friendship
خير الاصحاب عند الله خيرهم لصاحبه
“The best friend, according to the estimation of Allah,
is the one best to his/her friend.”[Prophet Muhammad]
Human Relationships
A cardinal principle in the equation of human relationships is that all members of every human community should learn …
- to care deeply…
- about themselves
- about others
- to act in ways that are supportive of the vital interests of…
- ourselves all
- and of others
Wise ones have said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life, is knowing how to get along with people.
Friendship is Necessary
Human beings are by nature social beings that interact, that are interdependent, and thus, in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives are spent in such social associations, and friendship is indeed an essential component in human relationships.
Friendship is …
Friendship is a voluntary, reciprocal and interpersonal relationship that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard.
Friends are ….
Friends are people, who seek the company of one another; who like and wish to do well for the other, believing that the other party reciprocates these feelings with good intentions.
In Islamic literature, the root meaning of the terms used for
friend indicate some of the essential qualities necessary for friendship…
- صد يق sadeeq (truthfulness/honesty)
- خليل
khaleel (associate/link)
- ولي wali (protector/overseer)
- رفيق rafeeq (kind/caring)
Who You Choose as Friends & Why?
When choosing your friends, which qualities are most important …
- Social status/Popularity
- Income level/Wealth
- Looks/Appearance
- Race/Ethnicity
- Faith and/or Character
- Political Affiliation
- Intelligence/Education
- Interest/Hobbies/Skills
- Compassion/Care
- Loyalty/Reliability
Kinds of Friendship:
- for pleasure {could be positive or negative}
when pleasure is gone, friendship is gone.
- for usefulness/utility {could be positive or negative}
when usefulness is over, so is the friendship.
- Proximity {could be positive or negative}
when you move, gone is the friendship.
- Common enemy{precarious}
The enemy of your enemy is your ‘friend’ until ...?
- for virtue = friendship of character {must be positive}
- natural ‘’friendships = between father/son, siblings…
{ought to be positive}
Choose Friends Wisely
- Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) advised that ...
المرء على د ين خليله ، فلينظر احد كم من يخا لل
A person is influenced by the lifestyle of friends;
So, be cautious whom you befriend.
If one is negatively influenced by those we associate with then the consequence could be disastrous. [Qur’an 43:67] Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said; “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk compared to the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. As for the seller of musk; either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from his perfumes. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows; either your clothes could burn or you will get an offensive smell from the smoke of his fire.”
- Greek philosopher, Aristotle said: “Complete friendship is the friendship of good people similar in virtue; for they wish good in the same way to each other in so far as they are good, and they are good themselves. Such friendship last as long as they are good; and virtue is enduring.”
- Sayedna ‘Ali advised:
واد المتقين واهجر الفاسقين و جانب المنلفقين و لا تصاحب الخائنين
“Befriend the righteous, flee from the transgressors,
avoid the hypocrites and do not associate with deceivers.”
A-Z of Friendship
A Friend …
Accepts you as you are
Believes in you
Calls you
Doesn't give up on you
Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Helps you
Invites you
Just in all matters
Keeps you close at heart
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never betrays
0ffers support
Picks you up
Quiets your fears
Raises your spirits
Says nice things
Tells the truth
Understands you
Values you
Walks beside you
Xtra caring to your concerns
Yearns to assist in everything positive
Zaps you back to reality when you lose focus
True Friends
- True friendship is … based on trust, warranted loyalty, mutual respect and genuine care. "Remember that the best relationship is one in which your care for each other exceeds your need for each other." [Dalai Lama] Remember the response of the sufi sheikh to the man who wanted to marry his daughter and tried to impress him with his knowledge; “I do not care how much you know, I want to know how much you care.”
- A true friend …. warms you with his/her presence, trusts you with his/her secrets, remembers you in his/her prayers, is there before you know it, lends a hand before you ask for it, gives you love when you need it most; doubles your joy and shares your grief. That is why …
- True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. [author, Amanda Kunkle]
- True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. [cleric and author, Charles Caleb Colton]
Are You a Good Friend?
Are you the kind of person that meets the standards of a good friend?
- “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.” [Author, Douglas Pagels]
- “The best friend خير الاصحاب عند الله خيرهم لصاحبه ; according to the estimation of Allah, is the one best to his/her friend.” [Prophet Muhammad]